How to change a flat tire…

Discontinued Tire

Discontinued Tire

Today was the third flat tire that I’ve changed in my life. Well, this was more of an exploded tire. The first blown tire was on a trip from Alabama to West Virginia. The second was on my sister-in-laws car as she was taking us to the airport for a job interview in Memphis back in 2002 (we missed the flight). First of all, don’t let your tires go beyond their life expectancy. I was gambling with the life of my tire and my own life, more on that later.

  • Try to get off the main highway, it’s too risky to be on the shoulder of the road. You can replace a rim, but you can’t replace your body after it’s been smeared all over the interstate.
  • Loosen the lug nuts just a bit
  • Know how to operate a jack and where to put it on the frame of your car, most jacks will have a diagram.
  • Remove the lug nuts
  • Make sure your spare tire is inflated. Mine was not, I had to drive on a flat spare tire to the nearest gas station and feed the air pumper upper machine quarters. Keep a can of slime or a small air compressor in your car just in case.
  • Apply spare and tighten lug nuts as much as you can in cross pattern
  • Lower car and tighten lug nuts the rest of the way.
  • Don’t drive over 55 on a spare. I’ve seen some drive 80+ on a spare, those people don’t need to ride a bicycle let alone drive a car.
  • Get your tire replaced as soon as possible. If the spare goes out or you blow another tire, a tow truck will be happy to take piles of cash to come to your rescue.

Changing a spare tire is not as easy as it used to be. Not that it’s difficult to do, but because of the impending death that looms in the hands of distracted drivers. I was off the main interstate, but people were still speeding past me while looking at their smart phones. It took me a few hours to un-clench all the muscles in my body from all the stress. I’m surprised I’m still alive. I wonder what the statistics are related to smartphones and traffic accidents. It has to be way up from 10 years ago.

You can catch more flies with honey…



This term as been overused in many different workplaces throughout my career. It’s probably because I get low scores on my yearly review for communication. I’m very matter of fact and straight to the point, some people like that. Most customers don’t like it because they get offended when they’re told their idea is not a very good one.

Honey is natural, sweet, and delicious. It’s also very beautiful in color which makes it very attractive to the eyes. However the process of getting honey is very dangerous. I’m no honey badger, well, I do coach a softball team by that name. Plus, I don’t enjoy getting stung over 300 times just to get some honey let alone try to catch flies with it. Getting flies on your honey would ruin it and why are we equating customers to insects anyway?

As a child I grew up near a cow pasture, it smelled terrible. I traced the smell to huge piles of bull feces laying everywhere covered with flies. Getting piles of bull excrement is much easier than invading a honeycomb. You can just scoop the poop off the ground with flies and all! So in other words you can catch just as many flies (if not more) with bull$#!t but with less effort. That seems to be more common in the workplace anyway.

Antiquated Television Terminology

Our generation will probably use these terms and pass them on to their kids even though they’ve lost their meaning.

Tape a Show

My wife asked me if we could tape a show so we don’t miss it. I told her that will be difficult since we haven’t owned a VCR since 2002. DVR is the replacement for now, but soon we won’t have DVRs. Everything is in the cloud now, can you shower a show from the cloud please?

Be Kind Please Rewind

We don’t rewind anymore since most of our media is on a disc or in a cloud. We could say scan backwards or forwards but it’s easier just to say “Go Back” or “Rewind”. I used to return DVDs to Blockbuster and told them I forgot to rewind it. RedBox doesn’t think that joke is funny ether, but it will help clear the line if you start complaining to the RedBox in a loud voice.

Don’t Touch That Dial!

Last time I had a dial was on my 13 inch color TV in my room back in 1991. I had it hooked up to my Sega Genesis, life was good, we got exercise by walking across the room to change channels. I guess we could say “Don’t modulate that digital frequency!”

Stay Tuned

I guess that means digital frequency because you can’t even pick up an analog signal in this day and age. We don’t have dials and we don’t have rabbit ears or coat hangers with aluminum foil. There is nothing to tune.

I want to see the whole picture!

This was a problem in the 90s and even at the turn of the century for those of us who bought widescreen Laserdiscs or DVDs. People complained that the top and bottom of the picture were cut off from their view. These are the same people who shoot video on their phone vertically and don’t seem to care that over half of the HDTV is unused. Yes, this majorly gets on my pet peeves.

What are some terms you use for the television that no longer have any meaning?

How to buy a new Camera

Digital cameras are great, but picking the right one is crucial. Stay informed with this handy guide.

Digital SLR

  • Good for getting random comments from strangers. “I bet that camera takes great pictures”
  • Allows you to buy fancy lenses for even more comments from strangers
  • Builds muscle because they weigh hundreds of pounds after a long day
  • Gives you an elite feeling amongst other picture takers
  • Makes you notice other SLR’s in the wild; comparing to see if yours is better

Compact Digital

  • Allows you to blend into the crowd and not get comments from strangers
  • Mediocre pictures and video in one small package
  • Easy to lose on vacation
  • Inconvenient if you also carry a smartphone with a camera


  • Great for action video that nobody cares about
  • Terrible at taking pictures.
  • No zoom
  • People will make fun of you for wearing it


  • Goes with your typewriter so you can include photos with your typed correspondence.
  • Waiting for photos unless you build your own darkroom, but still waiting
  • For pretending you are a real photographer.
  • Wasting money on film


  • Great for grainy zoomed pictures
  • For missing moments that are happening in front of you.
  • Fantastic as making portrait videos that create vertical black bars when played back on a HDTV or computer monitor.

Seriously, just buy what you want. Someone will make fun of your choice or tell how you made the wrong decision.

I’m not excited about Star Wars…

Darth Odiwan

Darth Odiwan

This is regarding the Force Awakens of course. I know that sounds like blasphemy from this long time Star Wars fan, but I have my doubts. I’ve gotten my hopes up for so many movies recently and they’ve not lived up to my expectations. I think we live in a time where the trailer hype has ruined the movies before they hit the silver screen. The trailers are so out of context and stitched together so they appear one way but the scene is something completely different.

JJ Abrams has quite a task to bridge the gap from the original trilogy and make people forgive the prequels. I was not that pleased with Star Trek into Darkness and I hope he doesn’t try to cram the screen too many characters, old memories and fanboy nods. I hope it’s an original story and he doesn’t trick us with a regurgitated “Thrawn Trilogy” plot line. I’ve done my best to stay away from spoilers so the my expectations are low.

I will enjoy the film, but I’m not excited about it. I will probably see it several times in the theater (Midnight showing, IMAX, and 4k Digital). I will also take my kids so we can enjoy a Star Wars theater experience like my father before me. They will probably get a bunch of Star Wars toys for Christmas and I will buy plenty for myself. Who am I kidding, I’m very excited about the new Star Wars movie, but I won’t Cosplay. Or will I?

Making fun of a person’s name

Dale Carnegie once said. “Remembering a persons name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language” However, there are people who have never heard that quote or don’t have any social skills and they will make fun of your name as soon as they hear it.

This has been a life long struggle for me. When some asks my last name, I spell it instead of saying it.

O-T-E-Y. It’s pronounce OH-TEE, but people have insisted that it’s OH-TAY. Even to the point of saying I’m wrong. Then they make a buckwheat from the little rascals reference. I laugh along while saying… “Yeah, I’ve never heard that before. Well, at least not since everyday starting in kindergarten.” Try to remember you are not that clever, if you’ve ever made fun of someones name, they’ve probably heard it all their life.

I think parents today are very careful when they select a name so that their kid will not be made fun of. I feel like my poor daughter Caoilfhinn is doomed to spell her first and last name for her entire life. However, we went with a more American spelling rather than the traditional Gaelic.

Here is a great video for reference

Two types of people at “Fall Back”

There are those people who like to use the extra hour to get up early and get things done, and there are others who hate you.

Seriously, can we just adjust the clocks a half hour and be done with it. I’ve never researched Daylight savings time so it doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe I will look into it with that extra hour I got this morning, or maybe I won’t because I’m not a farmer. I do remember a lady writing in to the newspaper once that complained about “springing forward” because the extra sunlight caused her garden to die every year.

How many clocks do you actually have now that require adjusting? My daughter has a princess clock and we have have gas range with microwave. We don’t even wear watches. The rest of our clocks are on the phone or they are atomic. So the excuse on missing events because of the time change is a 20th century excuse.


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