If you don’t have anything nice to say…

You can fill in the rest of the title if you have that burned into memory as a child. I’ve been taking a break from social media and blogging on the blog. I’ve also been taking a break from the news. I feel out of the loop and it’s nice.

They grow up so fast…

6'5" at age 10

6’5″ at age 10

There have only been a few kids in history that have grown up too fast. Take Robert Wadlow for instance, he was 5’4″ when he was only 5 years old. The growth rate of children has been reliably predictable for thousands of years.

Here’s a quick guide about why your kids are not growing up too fast.

Pituitary gland issue.

Otherwise known as “Gigantism” is similar to acromegaly but occurs in children. Too much growth hormone causes a child to grow to be unusually tall. This is probably not the case with your child.

You are not paying attention

This can happen when you are disconnected from your child or not seeing them on a regular basis. Kids seem to grow leaps and bounds from month to month, but it’s not too fast, it’s normal. Maybe it is a pituitary gland issue, and maybe you should pay closer attention. Again probably not the case. They are fine.

You are just saying what everyone else is saying.

It’s what’s known as a figure of speech. I know it shouldn’t but it just bothers me when so many people say the same thing.

The elusive non painted bunting

Rare breed

Rare breed

My daughter has been watching birds in the back yard for a few months now. She saw a painted bunting next door, but I can’t seem to find any information about the non painted bunting. I don’t understand why it always wants to bunt. The bird should swing away when it gets a good opportunity to hit.

Marrying Your Best Friend

The Church was 100 Degrees

The Church was 100 Degrees

It sounds like a good idea, but it’s better to marry your fiance. Everyone says their husband or wife is their best friend, but that is such a dishonor. The marriage covenant goes far beyond being best friends. Best friends don’t tell every deep dark secret. Best friends don’t have 100% transparency, you only find that within marriage. At least, if it’s a good marriage. Deep dark secrets make for good blackmail material you only trust that kinda stuff to your spouse.

Don’t get me started on soul mates, because if one couple gets it wrong, and then gets divorced, the entire soul collection is thrown off.

BTW, 15 years ago today I got married.

How To Be a Great Host (Overnight Edition)


Fixed it!

Everyone has stayed at a friends home and found out what a great or terrible host they are. Some don’t even know it. They think they are more like Newhart when it’s closer to Norman.

Be Home

If you are expecting company ask for a rough time the arrival date. Next step is actually being there at that time. If you can’t and your trust level is high leave a spare key in a trusty hiding spot. Greet them at the door with friendliness and hospitality. Bro Hugs are acceptable for guys who haven’t seen each other in a while. Handshakes are a standard.

Tidy up the place

Especially the guest room. Doesn’t have to be spic and span, but a nice once over. Clean sheets and fresh pillows are nice. Smart travelers bring their own pillow to avoid neck complications.


Make towels and washcloths easy to find. Toilet paper should be stocked. Bonus points for a bar of soap in case they forgot theirs.

Don’t stay up too late

Long after your guests have turned in, don’t continue your loud antics of yelling at sporting events. Random bursts of laughter from the poker or board game will surely inspire insomnia for the next few hours.

Get up before they do.

There is nothing quite as awkward as waking up in someone’s home while they’re still sleeping. It’s like you’ve broken into their home and you’re are trying not to startle them from sleep. They might forget you’ve spent the night, which leads to you being on the receiving end of a buckshot breakfast.

Bonus Points: Ask ahead of time for food favorites

Especially food your guest might like. Don’t plan ahead and stockpile the fridge with their favorites. Turn your place into a bed and make your own breakfast. Keep old cereal and just enough milk to cover the bottom of the bowl.


Hopefully your guests didn’t pack their bags and sneak out of your house in the middle of the night because they didn’t get a good shower or a hearty meal and are covered in bugs and dog poop.

What are some of your house warmest feelings and experiences?

Disclaimer: To all my friends and family these are just worst case scenarios, not something I’ve experienced at your house.

How to be a Good Softball Coach

Easy Catch

Easy Catch

On the other side of the coin of the previous article, here are a few tips I’ve learned (from my mistakes) on how to be a good softball coach.

Good fundamentals

Each kid will have their own style so don’t try to make everyone look like clones.┬áThere are plenty of websites and Youtube videos that teach you how to play the game. Teach them the mechanics of throwing, catching grounders/flyballs, batting, and base running. Once you have the basics down teach them about force outs and tag outs, defensive base runner awareness. Little kids can only handle the basics, but some can surprise you. If you get really good with the basics then progress towards more advanced topics and drills. Don’t be in a rush.

Be a good sport

It’s okay to fail, it’s not okay to trash talk or throw equipment. Kids don’t need to see you do this either. Keep your composure when bad calls or something seems unfair. The kids are watching, they will reflect what they see. Have the respect and courtesy to congratulate the other team on a good game even if you win or lose. If the other team makes a good play encourage your players to mention it to them if they have the chance.

Positive correction

Offer positive feedback when teaching the younger ones. This is where teaching fundamentals are essential. If your child is on the team have one of the other coaches instruct them during practice and give feedback. They will probably listen to them, especially if you are being too hard on your kid (which I tend to be on my own).

Don’t try to be perfect

Everyone makes mistakes, we all lose games, and have bad days on the field. The key is bouncing back from low points, learning from mistakes and keep improving.

These are just a few of the lessons I’ve learned in the short three years I’ve been a coach. It also helps to start out as an assistant coach and learn from others. No ones coaching style will be the same, just respect your players and have fun. Remember, try not to make little girls cry that is the worst feeling in the world. Not that I’ve done that…

How to be a Jerk Softball Coach (Kids Edition)

Don't leave lasting scars

Don’t leave lasting scars

Yell at your kids

Say things like, if you don’t do “X” you are not fit to wear our jersey. Yell at the other teams players too. Yell things like “You’re out, you’re out” if the play is close. Maybe the kid will walk off the bag so your players can tag them. In general just scream loudly at our players during the game to cause general confusion so the other players can’t concentrate.

Complain to the ump

Keep going to the umpire for any call that you deem questionable. Argue until you get a 7 year old girl out on a technicality.

Run, Run, Run

If other teams girls don’t have the arm to gun it from second base, run your players to score as many runs as possible. If you see a player that may be confused about a play, run your players around her. Pushing the other kids down works too.

Block the bases

Have your players block the base so that your kids can tag them out even if they fumble with the ball. They can’t be safe if they can’t touch the base.

Block the line of sight

If you play in a coach pitch league, have your pitcher block the player’s line of sight so it makes it hard to throw the ball to first.

Remember, it’s all about winning. Who cares about fundamentals and good sportsmanship. You get bonus points if you can make several girls from the other team cry.


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