How to record video on your iPhone

I wish Apple would come up with a way to record iPhone video and pictures that are at the correct aspect ratio. I try to help people whenever I can. When someone is recording a video with their phone upright I’ll ask them if they have their computer monitor or television mounted vertically. I’m sure they don’t like my voice on their recording, but these are probably the same people who complained about the black bars on widescreen movies on their 4:3 aspect ratio televisions.

Just as a side note, it’s fine to film a few activities of your children. Don’t forget you have eyeballs which have a greater capacity for resolution. Don’t watch your children though your iPhone or iPad doing some awesome activity. Yes I know iDevices have “retina display”, but you have real retinas. Take Darth Vader’s advice…


Food Dye Allergies

Since we found out our children have adverse reactions to Red Dye 40, it’s all they want. When our kids become teenagers we won’t have to worry about drugs and alcohol. No, the forbidden fruit will be the sweet nectar of Hawaiian Punch with its intoxicating combination of High Fructose Corn Syrup and Red Dye 40. Teens will be grabbing a Forty of Red Dye 40 and dipping their special edition “Red Forties” Popsicle in it. It’s all about the marketing…

Selling your stuff on Facebook

Big Dump

Big Dump

There are numerous Buy/Sell/Trade Facebook pages where people are trying to rid their home of clutter. If you must post something, double the price you really want. Even if you offer your junk at a reasonable price someone will ask if you can go lower. If you want to give it away for free someone will ask for money to take it off your hands. Every once and awhile someone will post something for free and it’s a piece of junk. I like to ask for free delivery and give them the address of the local Garbage Dump.

Chatty Cashiers

I can understand that cashiers crave smalltalk, but it’s not cool to inquire about your customers purchases. While purchasing some Aquaphor the cashier inquired if I recently got a new tattoo. I said “No, I’ve got an outbreak of diarrhea at the house and this is very soothing for rashes.” I didn’t mention that it was for my son, but it made the conversation awkward and end rather quickly. Apparently, Aquaphor is also good for tattoo healing. Good to know.

Other times I’m purchasing ground beef, taco shells and salsa and the cashier chimes in “Looks like it’s taco night!”. The obvious remarks when I’ve purchased a custom birthday cake and they say. “Looks like someone is having a birthday” I simply say. “No my psychotherapist recommends that I purchase a birthday cake for each one of my personalities so that it keeps me out of the hospital”.

Next time I go shopping I think I’ll purchase All Bran with extra fiber, a fleet enema, some food coloring, and a big poster board to see what they say.

Grocery Store Exit Strategy

Wrong Way

Wrong Way

I know it shouldn’t bother me but entering a store through the exit is not necessary. Neither is exiting through the entrance. Don’t get me started on people who enter a store and block the entrance by checking their shopping list or smartphone.

They have the entrance/exit set up that way for a reason, but it’s impossible to enforce. I’ve seen some Walmart stores employ the technique of not installing motion sensors on the interior entrance doors and vice versa. Many Home Depot and Lowes stores already control customer traffic properly. Occasionally, you will see some dolt standing in on the outside of the exit until someone trips the motion sensor so they can go in the wrong way. Reading is overrated anyway.

Helping other shoppers…


You know the old rule: don’t wear red to Target or blue to Best Buy. It’s even worse if you wear tan pants with your polo. I was shopping during my lunch break while also wearing my I.D badge. I was stopped twice for assistance. At this point you have two options: Tell them you don’t work there, or try to help them out anyway, such as…

  • Direct them to isles that don’t exist
  • Recommend certain “personal” items, and explain you’re using them as we speak.
  • Lead them around the store, searching for items that don’t belong, like looking for grape nuts in the camping section
  • Recommend the wrong TV shows for kids, like getting Dexter confused with Dexter’s Laboratory
  • Rummage through their cart and say things like, “Wow, I thought this was recalled”
  • Offer unwarranted advice like: “Seems like you should be looking for the prescription strength deodorant or some age defying make-up”
  • Offer to check in the back stockroom, and never return.

As a general rule I do help people who ask. More often than not the people who are working in the store really don’t care to be there. It’s not their “dream job” so they are just passing time until their lunch break or time to go home. No job is insignificant, we can choose to do it happily and help others or we can just go home and wallow in our misery and continue to make others hate us and purchase things online from robots. Your choice…

Hottest Chicken Wings in Charleston?

Braveheart Wings

Braveheart Wings

Well, I guess you would have to say it’s the sauce that makes them hot. Chicken wings themselves are not hot. Unless you are eating them directly out of the fryer dripping with boiling peanut oil.

Wild Wing Cafe’s Braveheart wings, in my opinion, are the best in Charleston, SC. These wings are not just hot, but tasty as well. It’s one thing to be spicy, e.g., police pepper spray will burn you, but it doesn’t taste that great. Not that I’ve tried or anything. First time I tried them the waiter asked me if I was sure I wanted to eat them. He then kept coming back to check on me to make sure I was okay.

I’m sure there are people out there who will say: “Oh that’s not hot, I’ve had hotter” That’s fine, I understand your need to be macho, brave, tough, or whatever. These wings at the chemical brain level will alter your look. You may have a high threshold for pain, but your face will turn red and you will start sweating. It’s a natural reaction, it’s unavoidable and it’s okay.


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